1965 Simmons Hide A Bed Sleeper Sofa ad

This person is selling an ad for sleeper sofas. No. He's not selling ad SPACE, he's selling an ad from an old magazine from 1965. That's right. He's selling the ACTUAL AD (item #260098333224).

It's "suitable for framing," yet it's a double page spread that clearly did not occur within the center spread pages of a magazine, which means that it has to be split in two.

This may be of limited value to a lot of people (as it is, visit the user's eBay store and there's a long list of items that have ZERO bid on them). However, this isn't to say that he isn't selling stuff...anything that has images of celebrities can garner some interest. But, I would probably estimate that less than 2% of his auctions have garnered interest.

For people with VERY specific design tastes, it might have some use, such as if you are running a period diner and you want to have framed print ads from the 50s and 60s, or say if you are running a car repair place and you want to have pictures of old car ads. But pictures of COUCHES?! With a split down the middle?

Clearly, the seller is taking a bit of a shotgun approach, and it very much appears that these are old magazines that he had lying around the house and he thought he could turn it around.

Blue First Holy Communion party favors candy wrappers

Well, they already wrecked Christmas, Easter, and Valentines' Day with crass commercialism. It was only a matter of time that they started going after the holy first communion.

When I was seven, first communion gifts were fairly standard. Outside of maybe a rosary or a prayer book, my family kept it pretty simple, and I'm pretty sure that the other kids in my class had the same deal (ie: fairly simple).

And now we have this (item #130090988518).

I'll admit that it's been a really long time since I regularly went to church. Come to think of it, the last three times I was in a church (under my own free will) was for two weddings and a funeral. But even for those that aren't a member of the faith...doesn't this come across as, well, a little excessive?

For strong and devout believers of the faith, this is a really big deal. But, shouldn't a keepsake be a little bit more permanent? ie: something that's NOT edible? And, considering that one isn't supposed to be eating one hour before celebrating the Eucharist, is food really such a good idea?

But hey, if you just happen to have $10 USD burning a hole in your wallet and you can't be bothered to do it yourself...

Does Ephedrasil Work? You Bet! Best Diet Pill Reviews!

Well, at least according to some diet review published somewhere (the seller actually doesn't say where), he might have the most effective weight loss product on eBay (item #300055207517).

Or not.

If you've seen one of these things, you've pretty much seen them all...ads with miracle pills guaranteeing fast weight loss with minimal side effects.

The common thread with these products is that they have tons and tons of caffeine to stimulate your metabolism, but it's really not good for you at all.

Considering that people have DIED from purchasing pharmaceutical products online, purchasing a "controversial weight loss phenomenon" online probably isn't a good idea either.

Funny thing...the seller claims to have under 100 bottles left, after which, the product will no longer be available. Take a closer look at the screen: as of this writing, there are 119 available.

Somehow, I can't stop thinking of that time I was in the mall and they were selling this one product that would be selling at $19.95 for ONE DAY ONLY. The same sign was there the next day. And the day after that...and the day after that...

LAS VEGAS NEVADA NV SIN REMOVER humor three 3 monkeys

So, you went to Nevada, blew all your money at the poker table and so you couldn't buy a piece of Las Vegas Real Estate. But, that's still no guarantee that whatever happens in Vegas will stay there, but here's your chance (item #5666344845).

While humour appreciation will vary from person to person, this may make a good gag gift. But, it's fairly low-brow and is even takes the well-worn cliché as used by the Vegas tourism board, but the effort is admirable.

Mind you, I'm not sure what effect having the slightly creepy looking guy in the background of the photo is supposed to have. The seller runs his own eBay store, "Daddy Sold My Toys" and is selling a bunch of these novelty bottles, all with different labels on them.

2 CHEERIO'S FROM UNDER MY COUCH

If you sell it, they will bid.

No, they will not.

Whether your living room decor consists of sectional sofas, love seats, or couches, you can be guaranteed that weird crap will fall into the cracks, like change. This can instantly add resale value to whatever it is you're selling. But this person isn't actually selling the furniture itself, but they're selling the crap that fell into the cracks.

Lo and behold... (item #130090882009)

The seller claims that his son (pictured left) wants to go to college and loves to learn how to save money. But, the first thing he's going to buy with it is a book about the movie Cars. While I internally debate on the long-term practicality of the purchase, it's not really for me to decide. On the other hand, I don't see how purchasing this book will necessarily get him any closer to his dream of academic achievement.

As it stands, with an opening bid of $0.01 USD and absolutely zero bids (as of this posting), I don't think that his college fund is going to be growing by any great degree right away, especially since he's offering free shipping. As eBay takes a certain percentage of a sale, it'll be even less. I've always been curious as to what the eBay fee schedule is like when the item goes for exactly one penny.

If the child in question does go to college, I hope that he develops grammar skills that are better than his parents. When nouns are pluralized, they do NOT have a possessive apostrophe. IE: it's "Cheerios," not "Cheerio's."

Addendum, April 4th, 2007. Whaddaya know...he actually got a winning bid of $4.

No Antique Toys Postcards or Dolls Just Fresh Dog Poop

Considering that you're technically not supposed to use the municipal sewage system to get rid of waste, I'm seriously thinking that this auction (item #140095668962) may be illegal and a violation of eBay's terms of service.

Because one look at this auction, and I just gotta ask, WHY GOD WHY?!

Yes siree, this guy is selling dog supplies. Or, more specifically, dog food. Or, even MORE specifically, dog food that has passed through his pet's digestive track.

To his credit, he is completely honest about what he's getting, and he's not sending this through the US postal system (which I imagine is probably illegal too). But daaaaaaamn...

UNDER THE BED RESTRAINT SYSTEM RESTRAINTS SPORTSSHEETS

If you're looking for a way to discipline your children, I can't possibly think of a better accessory for a kids bed.

Okay, okay. I'm kidding. And, considering that there have been parents that have been known to attempt this on occasion, I probably shouldn't joke about that either.

More for those who were looking to put a little extra oomph into their relationships, there is the Under the Bed Restraint (item #290091724659), which is fairly self-explanatory.

What slightly worries me is the fact that one of the key selling features of the item is that it's "portable and travel sized."

But, if you weren't convinced by the customer testimonial, there's a video for you to watch.

DRUG REP ULTRAM ER STAND UP STAPLER

While you might not be able to find generic Ultram drugs on eBay (or even non-generics, for that matter), you can certainly find their swag (item #220091769622).

But why should we buy it?

This brings to mind the huge amount of debate regarding the prevalence of pharmaceutical companies and generic drugs, and the controversies related to them. After all, the pharmaceutical industry is huge, huge business. For those who pay attention to the controversies, or have at least watched The Constant Gardener, it's something that can have a number of moral and ethical dilemmas.

Ultram, the trademarked name for Tramadol, is an analgesic, although it has properties of a narcotic. Hence, it is mostly only available by prescription.

But, as to this item? For all intents and purposes, it's probably a really good stapler. But, considering that it's a freebie branded item that's doled out by pharmaceutical companies in order to persuade doctors into prescribing more of their products (which are typically more expensive and just as effective as generic drugs), it's not something I really support.

Salvia Extract #5 Limited Time Sample Deal! Free Ship!!

When looking up portable water filters on eBay, it ended up spitting out this (item #330098005519).

Wow, far-out, man.

This is by far one of the most atrociously-written eBay auctions ever. I don't even know what this product is supposed to be.

From what I gathered from the auction itself, "OUR product is Just Pure Salvinorian (sic) A placed on to (sic) organicly (sic) grown plain leaf"

According to some minor research, this is an incredibly powerful hallucinogen, which just happens to be legal within many parts of the United States. And, with some more research, the seller actually spelled it wrong: it's actually "Salvinorin A." But, considering that the seller isn't even aware that "onto" is one word, not two, I guess I should probably cut him a bit of slack.

But then, it really appears that he was under the influence of Salvinorin A when he wrote this. Just take a look at the subhead of his auction: "Standardized! Very Diffrent (sic) From What Others Sell."

If it were standardized, wouldn't that make it the same thing as what other people are selling?

Ab Sonic- Electronic Muscle Exercise and Toning Belt

Hey, anybody remember seeing this one (item #250093860789) on late night TV?

Yes, for those interested in weight loss but not interested in making any sort of life-long commitment to healthy eating and regular exercise, we have an electro-stimulating belt that claims to cause muscle contractions to essentially replace sit-ups.

For $8.95, the seller favorably compares this product against the AbTronic, which once retailed for $59.95 (at least according to his auction.

But then, considering that the actual AbTronic was recalled by the company, and the fact that it got the company in trouble with the Federal Trade Commission and was forced to stop selling the product as a result, I guess this isn't saying very much, except that you're still getting ripped off, but by less. And, if you purchase multiple belts (and trust me, the seller has lots), you can combine shipping.

Immigration Attorney: A Lawyer for an Initial Consult

Wow, you really can sell anything on eBay. For $50, you too can have the services of an immigration lawyer (item #190088182966). Given the rate that some lawyers charge, $50 probably isn't that bad, although you might not be able to get the guy for very long. Considering the number votes and his feedback rating (zero and zero, respectively), this might not be the most ideal venue for one to advertise their services.

Perhaps he might be able to get you a cut rate on DNA testing for immigration. Or not.

Florida Disney Orlando Resort Condo Rent March 17-24

Hey, anybody feeling like doing the world a public service?

For $595.00, you can rent Orlando condos for your next vacation (item #140092296609), which is close to Disneyworld. And, if you're really lucky, you'll run into this guy.

For those too lazy to read, breaks down like this: a guy named Frank D. Atherton has a criminal history including armed robbery and burglary. He was accused of three counts of child molestation, and in some stroke of logic, he was granted bail and permission to go to Disneyworld.

Okay, okay, the operative word in the article was "accusation," not "conviction," so he should be allowed to do what he wants, but you gotta admit, this looks really, really bad for the judge, especially considering that the terms of his bail conditions include NOT having contact with children. Disneyworld is frequented by children.

Any time real estate rentals or sales involves Orlando, Florida, Disneyworld is constantly used as a selling point. For vigilantes, they could start adding one more.

TRY PURE HOODIA PLUS FOR A PENNY - JUST PAY SHIPPING!

Having thoroughly trashed hoodia gordonii in a previous blog entry, I'm not going to debunk the health effects, instead, just another reason why the shipping charges are always bogus on eBay.

So, for 1 penny, you too can be the owner of a bottle of pills that may make you go of the way of Anna Nicole Smith (item #150098922181). Just pay $8.50 in shipping for it. Looking on-line, indeed, a 90-capsule bottle of Hoodia Gordonii goes for about $49.95.

Yes, sounds like a pretty good deal, although considering that at least one report suggests that 80% of hoodia products available are fake...

MEMORY STICK DUO PRO CARD 4GB WHOLESALE LIST DISCOUNT

Lesson #23561. Read the auction very carefully (item #330095694331).

If you're looking for a computer memory upgrade or you want to store more pictures on your camera, eBay has just about everything you want. Even how to get it cheaper than you could possibly buy it on eBay.

eBay seems to have been excessively inundated with auctions such as these. Considering that the products are not actually tangible, it's an easy sale for anybody. No shipping required, as the item is information, which is transmissible through e-mail or the web.

Most of these information auctions have few votes on them, although these things make it harder to search for things when they're just everywhere. I strongly suspect spambots that are setting these up, especially since the seller added some code to make it so the images can't be downloaded (I had to use screen capture and Photoshop to get the image).

I'm wondering how many people placed bids, thinking that they were going to be getting an actual memory stick. I still remember that one time the person was selling a Playstation 2 box. As in an empty cardboard box without the Sony Playstation 2 in it.

America's Favorite Bed & Breakfast New York

If you auction it, they will bid. Or not.

For the buy-it-now price of $0.75 and shipping that's about four times the cost of the item itself, you can be the proud owner a used book with outdated information (item #150016051701).

When I went to New York, I didn't opt for a New York bed and breakfast, instead going sharing a three-star with three other guys. This was in 2003, a much different New York than it was when the book was published, oh, about, ten years ago. Since then, the information has changed rapidly.

On the other hand, most of the changes occurred within the NYC area, as there is a lot more to New York than NYC. But TEN YEARS?!

I realize that the motivation for being on eBay is to make money, especially considering the fact that the shipping is over four times the price of the item, but the unfortunate thing is that items with minimal value really make eBay harder to navigate.

Set of 2 Ladder Rack NR

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to laugh at this one (item #170089083603) or not.

This eBay seller refers to themselves as Bargainland, who prides themselves on selling really cheap crap.

Even THEY admit that their stuff might not even work, as said on their "Caveat Emptor" page:

Bargainland is unable to spend a great deal of time testing and checking each item beyond a casual observation of the physical condition and, in some cases, whether or not the unit powers on (if it is electrical).

Yet somehow, they've been able to attain almost 200,000 feedbacks from their auctions, and with 90.1% positive feedback (as of this writing), they must be selling something good. Surprisingly, most of their negative feedback ratings come from people who didn't get their item, not by people who were given something that was broken.

But, considering that they can't even be bothered to figure out this even an actual ladder rack, I'd bid very carefully. But I'm a little concerned when they say that the item is sold as is...take a closer look at that photo and there is a lot of weird miscellaneous debris lying around.

And I love how their slogan: "Bargainland: Where low prices come first and customer services comes second." You can't beat truth in advertising like that.

Leptopril Non-Ephedra Weight Control 190 caps.01/2009

Given the controversy over the use of ephedra and the banning of the substance in professional sports, it's only natural that some products will have NON-ephedra as a label. Ephedra is a stimulant product that boosts metabolism, increases energy, and aids in weight loss. And it's been linked to the deaths of professional athletes and is now labeled as a controlled substance. Now we have something called Leptopril (item #330094248438).

This is supposedly the generic version of Leptorpin, which is actually made by the same company. While the product is supposedly intended to induce weight loss, some have had some pretty bad reactions.

And the beauty of it...the product is actually based on what's known as the ECA stack - Ephedra, Caffeine, and Aspirin. Perhaps this is based on the OTHER version.

Either way...

"The FTC alleges that the respondents violated the FTC Act by making unsubstantiated fat and weight loss claims, false claims that clinical testing proves certain efficacy claims, and false claims that Daniel B. Mowrey, Ph.D, is a medical doctor."

Better hit that treadmill, folks.

Rare Antique & Grandfather Clock Horologe/have belle

All things considered, this (item #300082217192) is a pretty cool item. But, it is entirely mislabelled and definitely falls out of the definition of "grandfather clock."

From the auction:

Rare Antique & Grandfather Clock Horologe/have belle

"Welcome to my ebay,now you can see a beautiful and wonderful artware,the item is very value.look at its figure,it is nobler and enthralling,it will give you the elegance and made you exalted.what magnetic item,please don't miss it,it will be a good present for you or for your friend,also it will give you more fortune and good luck. shipping cost;GBP 66.00. Insurance;GBP5.00."

At the risk of sounding culturally insensitive, originating from an eBayer in Shanghai, China, this is "Engrish" at its best. As it stands, there is no indication of the actual dimensions or weight of this object, and of course, it is nothing like an actual grandfather clock.

One can surmise that this is a direct result of the eBayer's limited grasp of the English language, although interpreting the eBayer's intentions just based on the description is a challenge at best.

Presumably, he/she meant "majestic" rather than "magnetic," given the fact that strong magnets are sufficient to stop an analog watch, but then, it might be intentional, as that stand-up clock has to stay in the statuette's hands somehow, right?

Disaster Hygiene Kit (set Of 20)

This eBayer is selling disaster kits. For the germ phobic (item #270092430736).

Given the controversy regarding over-prescribing antibiotics for non-bacterial related infections, it's pretty easy to criticize something like this, although on the plus side, it's not necessarily marketed as an anti-bacterial product.

However, I seriously question how much of a hygienic impact one can make with a bar of soap, a toothbrush, a sample tube of toothpaste, and nine wetnaps.

That, and I seriously question the monetary value assigned to this product. $29.95 for a bunch of items that can be easily swiped from any hotel room or restaurant? And also, consider this...the retail value of a pack of Wet Ones (pack of 15) moistened towelettes goes for under $3, a toothbrush for about the same, and a three pack of full-sized bars of soap for about $3 or less, and a full tube of toothpaste is usually about $3. Total: at or around $12, and you get a lot more too.

14lb Ebonite Clear Skull Ball Bowling Ball. NEW!

So, you've gotten married, settled into Georgia, purchased your prime piece of Blue Ridge Real Estate, and you're looking for something to do. Given the close proximity to nature, you'd probably wouldn't wanna be spending it all indoors with a remote control in your hand, instead, going for hikes and white water rafting. But, when the weather ain't so hot, you might wanna take in something a little more...indoorsy. But, considering that the official website lists "bowling" and "bingo" under the arts and entertainment, that kinda leaves your options somewhat limited.

But, you can easily make the best of it and easily be the talk of the town with this little item (item #290083820212).

Of course, the skull is made up of some other material (it'd probably be really unethical or disrespectful to use an ACTUAL human skull), but damn, these things are pretty frickin' cool.

The first time I recall hearing of these was when I saw the movie Mystery Men, in which a character (aptly named "The Bowler") has a bowling ball encasing her deceased father's skull, which she can throw around with deadly accuracy (much like Captain America's shield).

I'm guessing that they don't have these as fixtures of the bowling alley as they would have a tendency to get stolen by unscrupulous customers. Mind you, one would have to be very discreet in order for that to happen.

Although if you're in Blue Ridge, I don't imagine that you go there for the bowling, and you'd probably be better off buying a good pair of hiking boots and a helmet and life vest for white water rafting.

MAKE MONEY NO FRANCHISE CROWN MOLDINGS/TRIM/FAUX PAINT

So, you're into home renovations, but you aren't looking to start up a painting franchise? Then for the price of $29.95, YOU TOO CAN START YOUR OWN BUSINESS (item #230091607849). WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOOSE [sic]?!

As much as I hate to play grammar cop (Brian Sack, the writer of Banterist.com is much better than it than I), stuff like this gives me a serious, serious headache.

Given my lack of expertise in the home improvement field, I might be completely wrong. But given the caveat emptor angle that I've been approaching lately, a few things really kinda just...bug me.

For example, the seller suggests that with the right tools, installing interior trim and faux paint is as easy as chewing gum. Okay, fair enough. Considering the rise in DIY home renovations and the availability of tools at local hardware stores, this isn't a complete stretch. But, according to the seller, he's been in the home renovation business for 15 years. So, to HIM, it's easy. But for those who've never so much as held a HAMMER?

For $29.95, much of what he is selling (i.e.: information) could easily be obtained for free by going to the local hardware store and just asking around. Generating leads is done by networking. However, one needs experience in order to get work, and unless a lot of your friends want to get interior trim and faux paint installed, expect this to take a very, VERY long time. Although, given the rise in unlicensed contractors and the ability to just "disappear" after you screw over a client, it should be relatively easy to make money.

VOODOO Doll JINX-REMOVER Removes Negative Energy SPELL

If you're looking for a dietary supplement to give you an energy boost, eBay has listings up the ying-yang. But, all of these are of dubious quality, especially with the unfounded research claims on products such as hoodia gordonii.

And if you're looking to get your energy lowered, incidentally, eBay has the same thing.

I got a really good feeling about this one, folks (item #320077657513) . At least, I'd probably better, unless I want to have really, really crappy luck for the rest of my life.

While I have appreciation for metaphysical concepts and the unexplained, something about this kinda...seems off.

Voodoo, in its actual authentic form, is quite unlike what we've been exposed to through popular culture and the like. Through movies, people feel instant pain when a doll in the victim's likeness is stabbed with a pin. I vaguely recall one particular film in the Child's Play series, in which Chucky finds a voodoo doll and starts dismembering it, which has a highly damaging effect on its owner, who happens to be Haitian.

But, from the actual auction...

I could tell you anything you wanted to hear but will spare you ! I have 31,000+ positive feedback across 6-major sites including Featured Seller of the Month TWICE on Oxxrstxck.com (not allowed to mention actual site name), e-Bay POWERSELLER for a DECADE , 20+ YEARS OF SALES EXPERIANCE and only 34-total negatives from 16-18 different people in that time frame, mostly because I leave negative feedback for ALL NON-PAYING BIDDERS and often they return them out of anger !

I dunno, for a person who intends to spare the details, that's a fair amount of detail. I wonder if he tried to put a curse on those bad sellers, in addition to leaving negative feedback.

While actual Haitian voodoo practices do involve the use of dolls, it is more as a ritual for the dead, as they are nailed nearby trees in cemeteries to act as messengers for the deceased. Probably not for the use as depicted here, as this is just what popular culture has dictated voodoo to be.

I think I'm safe for now.

A public service announcement

Originally, I was going to write about specific goods and services for those seeking homes in Cary NC Real Estate (don'tcha just love how I snuck it in there) when I was going through the "Weird Stuff" section of eBay.

At the top of the list, there are very sexually explicit images that would probably violate the Terms of Service through eBay. And, for the sake of the readership who may find the material offensive and for the interest of keeping all content on this blog at or around a PG to PG13 level, the images are obscured (plus, the people I write for probably wouldn't appreciate it too much).

And, of course, in the interest of knowledge and research, it was very necessary for me to click on them. Really. It was. Honest.

With current fraud issues with ATM and credit cards, there is an increased focus on maintaining personal security, such as making sure that your PIN number is hidden, but this is something else.

Upon clicking on the auction in question (again, in the interest of research), I was sent to a login screen, where I was asked for my login and password. As I was not specifically looking to BUY anything on eBay, I didn't. But for some odd reason, clicking on the back button kept sending me back to that page.

Then I paused for a moment and this popped up.
With the immediate appearance of an authentic eBay login screen, it's quite easy to be fooled into trusting this, and then submitting your personal information.

If you're lucky, a person who has access to your eBay account will be able to figure out where you live, and how to contact you. But, you know that less than scrupulous people won't just stop there.

As it stands, if you do choose to solicit adult material from eBay, there is a more secure way of doing so, directly through eBay, however, they do ask for your credit card information.

Unsuspecting eBayers may easily be duped by this, as it looks EXACTLY like the actual eBay auction screen. Firefox will be able to screen this out, as the auction link page redirects to a phishing site, which refers to the methods used to dupe people into giving up sensitive information.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Dogs Playing Poker Sympathy Cards 16x20 Art Print

Dogs Playing Poker is a series of paintings by artist CM Coolidge, depicting, well, dogs playing poker. Originally commissioned by a Brown & Bigelow advertising company, they were originally intended for use for a cigar company. These all have interesting titles and situations, such as "Post Mortem," "A Bold Bluff," and "A Friend in Need." Fairly burned into the public

So, when I was looking up sympathy gifts and sympathy cards, and it spat this out (item #330088611050), I was a little confused.

I actually had to re-read the auction a few times before I realized that these aren't something that you would actually give to someone when you're offering your condolences over the loss of a loved one, unless they happened to be really, really avid Texas Holdem players or had an appreciation for kitschy advertising art.

After some minor research, the painting itself is actually entitled "Poker Sympathy," and the seller decided to simplify the auction header as "Dogs Playing Poker Sympathy Cards," instead of the more grammatically correct (and more accurate), "Dogs Playing Poker: 'Poker Sympathy,' 16x20 art prints."

Although, given that bereavement is a bit of a emotionally sensitive time, maybe a bit of a humour might be welcome. But then, I'm also a guy who would want people telling dirty, filthy jokes at my funeral. Even if it's at church.

100% PURE HOODIA GORDONII Powder Capsules - DIET PILLS

In the quest for the perfect body, companies claiming to offer the best diet pills, the best exercise machines, the best...whatever, all offer quick and easy solutions to what is supposed to be a life-long commitment to healthy living.

And, so we have this. (item #280083001705).

Homeopathic medicine has been in focus for several years now, with the rise in popularity of exotic Chinese medicine and the criticisms of pharmaceutical companies. As they are derived from supposedly "natural" sources like plant extracts rather than chemicals, they are touted as a safer alternative.

Therefore, instead of taking pseudoephedra (Sudafed) for a cold, you take echinachea. Instead of taking your chemical antidepressants, you take St. John's Wort. Instead of actually eating properly and getting off the couch to hit the gym or go for a walk, you take Hoodia Gordonii.

Native to regions in southern Africa, it has been traditionally used (in SMALL doses) for treating indigestion and small infections. Recently, it has been investigated for use as an appetite suppressant.

TrimSpa, is one of the many companies that market this particular product, naming this product X32, employing Anna Nicole Smith as their celebrity spokesperson. With her recent passing and the current class-action lawsuits against TrimSpa, it's no wonder why this particular auction (as of this writing), has exactly ONE bid, at a whopping total of $0.01.

ConsumerReports refuses to recommend the product based on a lack of scientific evidence, while scientific studies involving lab rats with P57, the active ingredient in hoodia gordonii, directly injected into the rat's brains, yet the product was still broken down by the liver.

This auction is particularly troubling. Since I used to work in retail, I understand the value of add-on sales and accessorizing. But when their sales pitch is worded like this: "We highly recommend also taking our bee pollen capsules along with these to get back your energy from not eating..."

The banner graphic from the seller reads, "Don't ask WHERE they are from." Uh...bad idea.

NASA MICHAEL COLLINS Apollo 11 Astronaut Signed Photo

For $7.50, you too can be the proud owner of Michael Collins' autographed photo (item #200077757655).

First, a little background on Michael Collins. Currently a resident of the Outer Banks, NC area, he is known for his contributions to space travel, taking part in manned missions such as Gemini 10 and Apollo 11, working with the greats such as Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong.

But, while I do have an appreciation for modern American history, especially with the advancements in scientific discovery, something about this auction seems...kinda, I dunno, cheesy.

Like, the fact that the main selling point of this auction is that it's "NOT SOME CHEAP HOME COMPUTER PRINT OUT ONTO COMPUTER PAPER."

I guess, that when the seller has very little to go on, and the item isn't actually authentic (because if it were, it'd probably be going for several dozen times the price), he's gotta do what he's gotta do.

Somehow, I fail to see how the Astronomy enthusiast in your life would be greatly appreciative with a gift such as this. Certainly, NASA has plenty of licensed products that would probably fit the bill a lot better?

Emergency Sex Kit

Now THIS (item #280078575964) is a Valentine's Day gift that I can truly appreciate.

While most people looking for slightly more serious emergency kits (i.e.: for a potentially life-threatening emergency) may wish to give this one a pass, but this one really made me laugh.

With an initial bid of $30 USD, this kit contains:

• bag of flour
• a brown paper bag
• large jar of Vaseline
• 12 X-Large condoms
• 2 cigarettes
• a pack of aspirin
• mouthwash

Considering the combined retail price of these items and the fact that it comes in its own display case, $30 might not actually be a bad deal (although as of this writing, the auction is now up to $45), of course discounting the fact that for the seller, his (I'm assuming that a guy put this together) per-unit cost is probably under $30 when the items are purchased in bulk.

It took me a while to figure out what the flour was for, but given the tendency for flour to clump up and the level of difficulty in removing once exposed to moisture, especially from porous materials like fabric and hair, baby powder might be a more viable alternative.

But then, it's a novelty joke item anyway.

House, Home, and Investment Items on eBay

You learn something new every day.

Whether you're looking to purchase or rent an Orlando Pool Home that's ten minutes away from Disneyland or you're looking to rent a timeshare in Mexico, eBay has that too.

While it was probably inevitable that it was going to get to this point, it requires a very, VERY significant leap of faith to be able to pull off. Considering that real estate values have been ballooning into large amounts that most people can't afford normally without credit, it might not be that much of a stretch. Somehow, I can't help but think of the lessons of history class, where the stock market collapsed due to stocks and shares being purchased with borrowed money.

It's somewhat frightening, actually, considering the ease at which this can be done. The trifecta of economic collapse is nearly complete...the energy crisis, the housing market, and the environment...oy...

DNA/ DRUG TESTING BUSINESS FOR SALE

Got $5000 kicking around? And, were you looking to get DNA Testing for yourself and all your friends for free? And, were you looking to see if your children have been taking drugs without your knowledge? If so, you to can be the proud owner of your very own DNA and Drug Testing Business (item #140080524479).

As much as the eBay seller insists that this is not a hoax, I can't help but question this. The distinctive lack of a feedback rating isn't doing much to boost my confidence either. But, here are a few questions I have...

• What am I getting for $5000? Equipment? Considering that a professional level centrifuge machine runs can run you several thousand, I'm guessing not. Facilities? Considering the price of real estate these days, I'm also guessing not. Advertising? Considering the price of television air time, I'm also guessing not.
• Doesn't one need a certain type of technical knowledge in order to do this?
• Why the heck is this guy selling this on eBay?

But on the plus side, he's offering free shipping.

Swarovski Crystals Makeup Cosmetic Compact Mirror

Does anything about this item (#140082047422) look familiar to you at all?

Several of the auctions put forth by this particular eBay seller are compact makeup mirrors that have "authentic Swarovski Crystal" embedded into the surface. But, at a glance, it has one of the most recognizable popular culture icons in existence. This fact is not mentioned in the auction at all.

As expected by all major corporations, Disney is absolutely merciless when it comes to protecting their trademarks. This had led to a significant amount of criticism of their business ethnics, especially when you consider their targets (usually small businesses that ultimately don't pose much threat), plus their own less-than-clean track records (i.e.: improper criminal record checks on Disneyland employees).

One only need to do some research to see how a small model building company was pressured into renaming their product "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" to "The Bellringer of Notre Dame" as a result of Disney's legal pressure, despite the fact that Dumas' tale is public domain.

This might explain why this product is not categorized as a Disney product, since the Mickey Mouse ears look pretty darned familiar. Counterfeit licensed merchandise is quite common in the flea markets of China, which also puts into question the level of authenticity of the Swarovski crystals , especially when the official Swarovski Cyrstal website prices a hair comb at over $100 CDN, several times what the initial auction is for a makeup compact.

"ROCK STAR" SECRET BOX - HOLLOW STORAGE BOOK. UNIQUE!

For those who just can't be bothered to do it themselves, this enterprising eBayer has something innovative (item #290054199133) for the paranoid book lover in your life. Provided that he/she happens to regularly read Jackie Collins novels.

Hollowed-out books for hidden storage purposes aren't really anything new, although I didn't realize that there existed a market for an item like this, especially since this can easily be done with a box cutter and a bit of patience. Whatever book you choose to use is up to you, provided that it's hardcover...you can use a thick tome like a Catholic Bible or the Complete Works of Shakespeare.

In the seller's other auctions, he/she refers to these books as the "poor man's safe," which is actually sorta funny, considering that for the price of a box cutter/exacto knife (approximately $5 or less) and a used hardcover book at the local used bookstore (on average $5 or less), putting up against $17.95 USD and $6 S/H, "poor man's safe" is sort of a misnomer.

But then, there is also the time consideration. Depending on the thickness of the book and the level of quality craftsmanship you are able to perform, $23.95 USD might not be such a bad deal. However, if you're lifestyle dictates that you don't rely on safety deposit boxes, $23.95 might be put to better use.

That, and you might want to be a little more selective about which book you choose to empty out. If this book sat in a shelf with slightly more "literary" selections (ie: not romance novels), it might be a dead giveaway.

100 George W. Bush Return Address Envelopes Style #2

For the first time ever, It Came form The (e)Bay gets political.

Feel like making enemies out of your Democrat friends? Feel like raising the ire out of your pen pal in the Middle East? Feel like scoring points with your Republican long-distance-relationship girlfriend halfway across the world? Feel like making sure that your mail gets tossed into the shredder by 54% of the American public (according to Fox opinion poll for January 30-31, 2007)?

Then, for the low, low, LOW price of $14.95 plus $4.50 shipping and handling, you too can be the proud owner of 100 copies of envelopes with George W. Bush's face on them (item #260081129581), customized with your own address, which will save you a fortune in return address labels.

As a Canadian, I can't really boast much knowledge about American politics, save for the fact that I really disagree with a lot of the things that have been happening, especially with the current situation in the Middle East and just the way that Bush Jr. conducts himself in the public eye on issues such as military spending, the environment, and trade, and just his overall perceived lack of charisma and intelligence.

But in terms of the much larger picture, there are a lot of things that are going unnoticed, such as the fact that Bush Jr. has actually put significantly more funding into alternative energy sources than his predecessor Bill Clinton. Plus, as much as some would believe that the Bush administration is absolutely clueless (especially with the negative backlash over Hurricane Katrina and the war in Iraq), if you ask me, they know exactly what they're doing.

Me, I think Bill Clinton was a much cooler president. Who cares if he misled the American public regarding his infidelity? We all know that politicians routinely lie about everything else!

Powell Furniture 292 Heirloom Cherry Jewelry Armoire

Now, a little lesson on economics, price, and deception on eBay.

Exhibit A (item #130072195672): Powell Furniture 292 Heirloom Cherry Jewelry Armoire. $169. Plus $50 shipping and handling. Total: $219.00

Exhibit B (from Homeandliving.com): Powell Furniture 292 Heirloom Cherry Jewelry Armoire. $219. Free ground shipping. Total: $219.00

Given the fact that eBay listings always tend to emphasize the purchase price, it is very easy for unsuspecting buyers to ignore the cost of shipping and duty (which is never calculated within eBay, as it always varies from location to location) and just blindly place a bid on an item, thinking that they are getting the most amazing deal.

If there is a lesson to be learned, is that there is nothing that is ever free, and if they are going to find a way to make you pay for something, they're going to find it.

With smaller sellers, it's often more difficult to recoup losses in case anything goes wrong. I'm still stinging from the time I purchased a berimbau (a bow-shaped musical rhythm instrument) which was "insured", and on which I spent $50 on "insured" shipping. When I received it, it was not packed according to specifications and was damaged. I contacted the seller and he would not honour it unless I paid him for more shipping. Punk.

BOXLIGHT CP 310t SANYO PLC XU35 2000 LUMEN XGA HDTV

Now THIS (item #300075391794) is funny.

When doing some research on PLC Repair for another client (that's PLC as in Programmable Logic Controller), I entered it into eBay to see if I could get any responses, and this is what it spat out: a non-functional Sanyo PLC XU35 2000 projector.

According to the seller, "This unit is in POOR functional condition and EXCELLENT cosmetic condition. It looks like new." Caveat emptor applies in large quantities here, and certainly, this seller is completely up-front and honest about this.

But, since when is there a market for a non-functional projector, especially when it's priced at $79.99? And that's not even the buy-it-now price!

I truly appreciate the vendor's honesty, I really do. But what are his motivations? And a better question: what would be the ideal user for a DEAD high-definition projector? There are certainly many uses, such as if a person was to need a non-functional prop for a film, or needed something that they'd be willing to destroy on camera, but at $79.99 (even without shipping), one is better off approaching a repair store or even the manufacturer to see if they can get a non-functional unit. Heck, even an electronics recycling depot. But, perhaps the piece might be salvageable for parts, which might be important to consider, when you learn that most modern electronics are cheaper to replace than repair, considering the per-unit costs of manufacturing.

But, with only 30 minutes left in his auction (as of this writing), I guess we'll never know.

PrincessDiana&Charles marriage coin presentation folder

Not so much as a bizarre item, but something that has really, really gone past its time. (item #190073980017)

When the company was doing the presentation folder printing for this product, I don't suspect that they would have any foresight as to the tumultuous life that the two people in the photo would have taken on. Heck, this item might have even had some value at some point, but considering the time that has since passed in both the divorce of Diana and Charles and her subsequent death, the number of bids on this particular item speaks for itself.

The item currently stands at 1.99 GBP (or $3.95 USD), which is probably several times the amount of the production costs of the item in question, but when Diana hype was at an all-time high, it could be speculated to went up accordingly. It's interesting that the eBay seller refers to this as "a nice memory." After all is said and done, it certainly appears to be exactly that.

"10 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT US" SCRAPBOOK MAILBOX GIFT

Just in time for Valentine's day, we have this cute item, to be used to celebrate the romantic ideals that are propagated by the likes of Hallmark and Hollywood. Oh, I'm sorry, am I bitter?

Jean-Paul Satre once said, "Hell is other people." I don't think he was talking about Valentine's Day, though.

Probably not something you'd necessarily see in a line of neighbourhood mailboxes, this particular eBay item is merely mailbox-shaped, and is a keepsake type item which has itty-scrap book thingies inside. It's cute, and for the right couple this would make a great gift to share.

Valentine's Day is probably the worst time of year for anyone who is single, and not by choice. I'm still thinking of the time when my sister and future husband were just dating several years ago. She's having the whole sappy-dappy, lovey-dovey conversation over the phone while the rest of my family is sitting down for dinner.

"HEY! WE'RE TRYING TO EAT HERE!"

Having kids maintain mailboxes before Valentine's Day is potentially one of the more damaging things that kids can undergo during their formative years and I'm actually sorta glad that the practice has been recognized as such, especially when you're one of those kids that don't get Valentine's cards. But, forcing kids to give to those who are socially maligned sends the wrong message as well.

With this level of bitterness, it's no wonder why I'm single.

40 UNUSUAL RUDE RISQUÉ BAD TASTE GREETING CARDS #1

After this (item #160076470499), I must say that I'm mildly disappointed. I could easily come up with much worse in terms of risqué, rude, or bad taste.

But still, this enterprising eBay merchant has three separate auctions for a lot of 40 tasteless greeting cards, most of which you probably wouldn't want to be sending to your mom. But, if you don't like your mom very much or if you have the coolest mom in the world (neither of these things apply), this might be right up your alley.

Me, I have a sense of humour when it comes to this stuff, so I would probably get a chuckle or two...provided that I haven't seen it before. The best (worst) one I've ever seen was a birthday card I gave to one of my best friends which depicted a guy hanging from a ceiling fixture and a doctor administering a prostate exam, hanging with his finger sticking out of the patient's rectum.

"Now, sir, if you'd relax, I'll kindly issue you a prescription for your inflamed prostate."

However, most folks might opt for the more tasteful option of printable greeting cards if they're sending the same Christmas card to a list of people on their list or even designing their own on their home computer. But, different strokes for different folks.

Inflamed prostate. Like everything else in life, it's funny if it doesn't happen to you.

Turtle Deer Kidney Tonic Pills Double Energy Supplement

Generally, I'm a little weary when it comes to eating or swallowing something that came through the mail, but considering that anything that you purchase through traditional (read: brick and mortar) retail outlets has traveled long distances to get there, it's probably not that much of a stretch.

But when you get a product that's called "Turtle Deer Kidney Tonic Pills," (item #250076411039) it makes me think twice. Again.

Perhaps this is the end result of the direct and literal translation between Chinese and English, but one woulda hoped that the person would've been able to come up with a better sounding name. And, considering the grammatical skills of the seller in question (the product is "HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!!" [sic]), this probably shouldn't be surprising. But, it could be worse..."Pocari Sweat" anybody?

The main selling points behind this product are the purported health benefits. From the auction:

Strengthening tendons and bones, enriching qi(energy) and blood, tonic kidneys and strengthening yang. It is used to treat general weakness, weariness, aching pain and softness of the waist and knees, dizziness, deficient kidneys, cold semen, profuse night urination, seminal emission, forgetfulness and insomnia, infertility, men's reduced ability.

While I hesitate to speculate on what exactly they mean by "men's reduced ability," but this is another example of using Chinese mysticism to sell a product to unsuspecting gwai-lo (read: non-Chinese). While there are some reported health benefits of traditional Chinese medicine, much of the evidence is inconclusive, and possibly due to a placebo effect. Certainly, a panacea (read: silver-bullet cure-all) these things are not, although the general populace probably doesn't think so.

My mom was trying to get me into Chinese herbs and medicine, but most of the time it tastes like absolute dirt and makes me feel even worse, although that's probably the end result of the taste more than anything else. This was the same person who got me an energy supplement in a can called "Red Rave" (a cheap Red Bull knockoff), thinking that it was supposed to assist in exercise.

I had to explain to her that it's what college students use to pull all-nighters because of the high concentration of caffeine, at which she offered to take it back to the store, but I told her that I'd use it. And use it I did.

I recall reading an article referencing interest in Chinese culture in the Western world, pointing to cultural re-appropriation such as interest in Japanese animation, the popularity of martial arts, and tattoos in Hanzi and Katana/Kanji (Chinese and Japanese) characters. As the article quips, "If this crap originated in Germany, no one would care." Heh.

EXTRA LARGE WOOD ROSARY 66"LONG-HAND MADE, WEAR/HANG

Now this auction (item #300072112461) is actually sorta neat.

Completely discounting the fact that most people would probably opt for regularly sized rosaries that could fit in the pocket, be worn around the neck, or be held in the hand, this eBay seller is selling what could quite possibly be the largest rosary ever made.

Throughout my years in Catholic school, I was taught that this was a religious symbol that was to be held sacred, so I'm not sure that hanging it off a door is going to necessarily score many points with the more secular eBay users, but dang, that thing is huge. But, I can actually think of a few groups that might be interested in such a large item, like if a church just happened to have a really large statue of The Virgin Mary nearby, at which point they might be able to use it as a decoration.

But, given the time it has been since I stepped foot in church for anything else apart from a funeral or a wedding, I can't really say for sure. But, I do love how the eBay seller recommends potential uses for it - as a conversation piece or worn by a tall person. In order for this to not hit the floor, I'm guessing that the person would have to be at least 7' tall.

NEW CUTE 2 PC LASER KISS ME I'M IRISH ITALIAN CHARM

Just in time for Saint Patrick's Day, we have the perfect gift for the Irish lad or lass in your life: a gift that was originally designed in Italy, more than likely manufactured in China.

From the minor research that I did (I got lazy so I just wiki'ed it), I have learned that the Italian Charm Bracelet (item #260079358792) was supposedly brought from Europe after World War 2 and then started showing up again in the 1990s, where a demand was created and more modern designs were created.

With cultural re-appropriation in an increasingly multicultural society, I suppose this was inevitable, although I would assume that traditional "Irish Gifts" would be more appreciated by someone for whom St. Patrick's Day holds much more significance.

I'm just wondering what happens if the charm bracelet fails to evoke a response (like the eBay auction indicates that this item is "sure to do"). At least it doesn't guarantee it will generate more kisses (the desired response...provided that they are coming from the right people), as it'll likely garner the seller a negative rating if that fails to occur.

Dic a Doo Paint Brush Bath 1950's Eames in Original Box

Indeed, at eBay, you can get something for the person who has just about everything. However, it'd have to be a very, very specific person to get full appreciation out of something like this (auction #7246190675). Especially when it's described as "still has some of the original contents inside."
For the Buy-It-Now price of $4.99 and the shipping cost of $6.00, you can be the proud owner of a vintage Paint Brush Bath kit.

The oddly-named 1950's company Dic-A-Doo appears to have been a paint accessories company, although a search of Google reveals absolutely nothing, except more eBay auctions, which also happen to be trying to unload Dic-A-Doo paint accessories.

As to whom is putting bids on this item? So far, the seller has provided the option of the "Buy it Now," so there are no bids on this product. If they were, I can only assume that they aren't people who are involved in professional house painting, although $10.99 is tough to beat for a vintage product that still has "some of the original contents inside." However, when $0.10 (in 1950) is adjusted for inflation (for 2007), it's only about $0.84. That, and for a few extra bucks, you can probably get a fully functional brush cleaning kit that has ALL of the original contents inside.

But, you know what they say about trash and treasure.

SONY PLAYSTATION 3 60GB PS3 PS 3 NIB - FREE SHIPPING!!!

With large capital letters like this, who can possibly resist?

Caveat Emptor are the words of the day, when the shopping and internet savvy know how to sniff rhetoric right away, while the fool and his or her money go in opposite directions.

This enterprising eBay seller is auctioning off a PlayStation 3 video game console with 60 GB hard drive for the whopping price of $1995.00. It's a little high, especially when compared to the MSRP of $599.
You have to admire the eBay seller's restraint, especially when you consider that when these first hit the streets in November, some were going as high as $2300 USD. And yes, most on-line retailers are sold out (Future Shop, Best Buy, possibly Electronics Boutique), but considering that it's been almost two months, couldn't they just let it rest? Like, just a little? I mean, heck, they didn't even include games or an HDMI cable (or any other accessories for that matter).

When I mean "rhetoric," I'm referring to their tactic of using a charity to persuade the reader to follow the course of action (that is, pony up $1995 on a video game console). Following the links to the charity who is supposed to be benefiting from this auction, it indicates that they are a non-profit organization.

But, considering that they're only receiving 10% of the total proceeds ($199.50), that means that the seller is still netting a profit of around $1000 (even if shipping happens to be over $100).

This sort of undermines the whole charity angle, considering that somebody will most likely making money off of this (but it definitely isn't Sony...allegedly, the manufacturing costs of one PS3 is $840.35). But, since there's also the option of "Or Best Offer," any enterprising and savvy consumer may opt to lowball the auction in the hopes of getting it.

And then I found this auction for a PS3 with a 60GB drive. $20,000. Twenty-frickin'-thousand dollars. According to the story he has attached to the auction, he's going to use the money to go back to school. I'm sorry, but I really don't have a lot of sympathy for greed, especially when he says up front: "I bought this Playstation 3 60GB off ebay about three weeks ago, in the hopes of selling it on ebay for more than I paid."

my autograph on a business card...

After a long hiatus, It Came From The (e)Bay makes its long anticipated return, where I deconstruct all eBay auctions...silly, obscure, and bizarre.

Which brings me to the first item up for bid.

For the low, low, LOW price of $25 and 39 cents shipping and handling, you can be the proud owner of a scribble on a piece of paper from somebody that you don't know. It appears that Mr. Church is aspiring to be the next big name in fashion design.

So, if he turns out to be the next Calvin Klein, Gianni Versace, or Donna Karin, maybe this will be worth the $25 Buy It Now price.

Oh please? Can I?

This eBay auction (item #200070662239) appears to be an experiment to prove that just about anything can sell on eBay, so this guy is selling a homemade business card with his own autograph on it. With two days left, it's certainly starting to look like he's about to be proven wrong. As of this writing (January 23, 21:48 PST), there are no bids and he has yet to meet his minimum reserve.

According to his auction entry, he intends to use the proceeds from the sale to pay for professional business card printing. Looks like he'll be printing them on his home computer like the rest of us. That is, if he can even afford that.