The Worst Movie I've Ever Seen In My Life...

As a one-time movie buff, I haven't gotten a chance to see all the movies I would have liked to. However, I do know what I like and what I don't like. I don't often agree with movie critics think about good movies (Brokeback Mountain was not nearly as good as the critics made it out to be) and bad movies (for all of its faults, Resident Evil is one of the better video game-to-film adaptations to date).

This led me to a writing position with the now-defunct Test Pattern, which eventually morphed into the screenwriting resource website, Screenwriter's Voice (the webmasters Dayna Van Buskirk and Reg Seeton have moved onto other things and they no longer update the site). During my time with those sites, I have gotten to review movies by the handful, which include some really good ones and some really awful ones.

Somehow, this little gem managed to slip by my radar.

The eBay seller purchased a VHS copy of Emperor of the Bronx from a dollar store and is now trying to get rid of it. Starting at a whopping $0.01 (the item already has one bid on it), the seller is seriously taking a loss on it (although the $5 shipping charge seems a little bit suspect). On the plus side, the seller is extremely honest as to his opinion of the film and even admits why he bought it.

A quick look at the film's Internet Movie Database page indicates the star power behind this film. That is to say, not much. None of the actors starred in anything memorable in the past few years, although the director Joseph Mehri did co-produce on a few mainstream hits, such as Alex and Emma and The Whole Ten Yards.

This is a film that went direct-to-video, which leaves me questioning as to how this market can sustain itself, when these films are of such poor caliber that no one is going to want to watch them. Either that, or someone is is actually watching these things and they're buying them all. Or, they're bought and paid for by government agencies and used in torture methods.

Related Links:

Troma Entertainment: This is the official website for Troma, best known for their B-movie releases such as The Toxic Avenger and Tromeo and Juliet. The studio is best known for giving up-and-coming talents their first shot, including James Gunn (writer of Scooby Too: Monsters Unleashed and the upcoming Slither) and Marisa Tomei (who had a cameo in The Toxic Avenger). They're also the studio that released Emperor of the Bronx. Their website is a bit of a headache, as it forces you to listen to Calimari Safari's "Poultrygeist" until you navigate to a different point in the page. Not exactly the prettiest page either, but then, it's what you'd expect from the studio that puts out films like this.

The Internet Movie Database: An absolute necessity for any movie buff, it has comprehensive information and links on just about every movie imaginable. Functional and well designed, it contains message boards for discussing your favourite movies (although beware of the spoilers!), movie reviews (both professional and user submitted), and trivia. If there are any problems with the site, it's that the bulk of the information is user-submitted, and therefore subject to inaccuracies.